From Fear to “You’re Beautiful”.

I’ve grown so afraid of going out after dark that I usually don’t. How do you protect yourself from someone unpredictable — a maniac with a weapon or worse? My answer has always been awareness. I’ve never shied away from being graphic with my daughter about this. 

I pray often. When Iryana was murdered on that train, my anxiety skyrocketed. Still, I take comfort in knowing I’ve taught my daughter to defend herself. From her very first car, she kept a small baseball bat in the backseat. She knows where to run if attacked, because I made sure she learned. My heart broke when she told me, back in high school, that she had already picked out hiding places in case of a shooter.I can’t keep my daughters safe forever — any more than my father could keep me safe when he begged me to stay aware. But I listened. And when two men tried to accost me years ago, they ended up in the ER — and later came back to apologize.

I’ve learned that the ones who hurt you most are often the ones you least expect.

The other night, I needed something from the store. It wasn’t urgent, but I wanted to finish cooking, so I decided to venture out after dark. I ordered a Lyft. The app showed a young man sixteen minutes away. I felt guilty about the distance, paid extra for a closer driver — still got the same young man. 

Now, I’ll be honest: many women my age wouldn’t have gotten into his car. For reasons I won’t go into, they’d call it unsafe. I think that’s silly — drama queen behavior. So I waited. Eventually, the car arrived, and the most beautiful young man I’ve seen in years was behind the wheel. It wasn’t his looks that made him beautiful, it was his smile.

He smiled, waited for my seatbelt to click, and we drove the four blocks to the store. Peaceful music filled the car — something that reminded me of Jack Johnson, Peter Tosh, and Bob Marley. I told him I loved it. He seemed surprised: “You like that?” Yes, I said. It was calming.

At the store, he backed smoothly into a spot. I offered him a drink, but he held up a Monster can. I went inside, grabbed what I needed, and bought him another. When I returned, he was still smiling, the kind of smile that lights up a space. Then he pressed a button, and a familiar song began. I gasped softly — I loved it. 

He turned, looked at me and said, “This song is for you.

”It was “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt.

And in that moment, I realized: that was the nicest Christmas present I’d received from a man in years.